Tales of the Scale

I have struggled with my weight since about the third or fourth grade.

I was always really skinny as a little kid, partly because I was so tall, but after a move halfway across the state in late elementary school, I discovered the "joys" of comfort eating in order to cope with bullying. I was unable to control my appetite, and ended up creating an overweight prepubescent girl with a stomach that could rival the first place winner at a frat house eating contest.

In eighth grade, sick of the song "Ellie Smelly has a big fat belly" I basically starved myself for several months until I was down to what I considered a "normal weight". It was the thinnest I've ever been. That didn't last long, though. The pounds came back as soon as I started eating again. Exercise made no difference.

I still struggle with portion sizes and eating carbohydrates in moderation (mmm mashed potatoes), and probably will all my life. This, in addition to my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), an underactive thyroid, and probably several other of my "medical issues", explains my constant battle with the scale, no matter how little, or how much, I eat, and how little, or how much, I exercise. I usually stand between five and fifteen pounds heavier than the recommended weight for my height. Luckily, because I'm so tall, I carry it well, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm overweight.

However, because of hyperemesis gravidarum, I lost about 10% of my body weight (that's nearly twenty pounds) in a few short weeks, and found myself in the "healthy weight range" for a non-pregnant woman of my height. I lost inches in my waist, hips, and thighs, lost two to three dress sizes depending on the brand, and was almost to the point of needing to get my wedding ring sized smaller after I had increased it by a quarter size to prepare for swelling.

According to my doctor, I should have gained about ten pounds by now. He was very concerned about my weight loss, and very slow gain, at my last appointment with him before leaving California. Now, several weeks later, I have only gained a little bit of weight. I am now about two to three pounds lighter than I was before I found out that I was pregnant. Progress, but still not good.

I feel like it's the old "be careful what you wish for" coming back to bite me in my should-be-expanding-but-it's-not ass. I'm always wanting to lose weight and be in the "healthy range" (whatever that means with all the different body types out there), and the only time I can do it is when I'm puking at the mere thought of eating and there's a Jellie Bean in my tummy that needs om nom noms.

Please pray for some healthy weight gain to come my way soon!

Love,
Ellie